I want to make a zoo with you.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
