He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
