Fine. I'll sleep in my office
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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