There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
