i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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