I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
