i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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