So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
