Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
