He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
