I'm really into asian looking animals
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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