I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
