The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
