Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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