Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
