why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
