I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
