So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
