I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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