Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
