glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
