Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
