I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
