I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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