What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
