so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
