this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
