party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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