This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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