How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
