what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
