Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
