Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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