the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
