During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
