there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
