very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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