do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
