Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
