So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
