I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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