I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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