Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
