Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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