i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
