Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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