I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
