You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
