god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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