what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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