with your own penis?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
