So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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