Buhtt sex?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
