I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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