do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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